THE WORLD ACCORDING TO CORTNEY GEE
TOO MANY DOUBLE JACKS... The World According To Cortney Gee ( last year's tour )


Greetings to all it's your boy Cortney Gizzle hollerin at ya . Yeah Im in Kosovo performing for the troops , its definitely colder than cat coochie here and I've tried my best to stay inside and bundled up but I figured if I did that there wouldn't be anything to tell you ... So I braved the frozen tundra and made my way to the neighborhood watering hole . I couple of my buddies whom shall remain nameless took me off base (which was in major violation of some peace treaty or something let them tell it ) to a club called Friday's . Which was funny cause it was Friday that we went there, it was supposedly their best night and they played Friday part one thru three on a projector screen.I couldn't help but think what the fuck they must do on Saturday ... probably sit around talking about the next Friday night coming up.
Me and my nameless cohorts sat at a table and ordered a round of double jacks lit up some Cubans I picked up in Vienna and watched the Slavic girls dance to Tupac blaring over the speakers. Once again my comedic mind went to work I was like damn Tupac is alive and well even in Kosovo . Cause these women didn't speak English good enough to holla at but they knew all the words to Hail Mary . I'm not a killer but don't push me !!!

We sat there and drank and chatted it up for what seemed to be hours and then of my partners in crime said lets go to the massage parlor. Now I'm one to tell you I don't frequent whorehouses.Its not that look down on the oldest profession, nor do I feel that the women there are any nastier thanof most the women I could meet in a club .. I just have a hard time exchanging money for sex especially since I find it easier to get a woman to sleep with me than I do to get one to cook or clean ... smile . But we were drinking Jack Dizzle Double Jack Dizzle at that and though my conscious mind was like hell nah we aint going to no brothel Jack Double Dizzle was like fuck it lets go and hang and see what happens . We get to the spot and its filled with lil itty bitty sexy Thai women.








My boy knows the mamason who is a attractive lady who's seen her better years long ago but she had style . Brought us out more of the syrup we had been sippin. She ask us which lady we would like to have perform our massage ... I pick one that has curves that were very much sista like Tan . We go to the room ad she tells me to get comfortable .. now my drunk ass thought she meant get butt booty as naked , come to find out we were in a REAL massage parlor and I done got me and my boys thrown out cause they didn't tell me what was really up. So Im swearing off double jacks for a while needless to say. That's makes two beverages I have sworn off Gin the sin tonic is the other .. that's a long story and maybe when Im not to embarrassed to disclose and or the statutes of limitation are up I'll share... smile .

Just thought I would keep all of you on deck about the travels . Oh yeah and I did a good job one my first performance ... Not that I was surprised seeing the troops are a captive audience .Really its like doing a prison show , at the base I was at last night Camp Montieth they don't have females and they love any kinda entertainment you bring them especially if you do blue humor like I do. The show had one oddity though .. I'm on same bill with a christrian hip hop band Set Free and Mr MJ. Now you talking about some funny shit . I can only imagine what they are thinking after hearing my crude comedy.Im wondering how my agent ever figured that this would work out , my heathen ass and this group are definitely an odd coupling . But hey it's a job and to be honest I don't think the soldiers were hearing the holy rhymes they are hooked on the dancers that they rappers brought with them. Well Im about to go to the mess hall and dine on food that can be best described as something to fill your belly until your next bowel movement which wont be long after ingesting it. They can take ex lax out of business and that's on the real. Keep in touch write a brother back give me something to do other than make a fool out o myself at REAL MASSAGE PARLORS ... I still cant believe that my drunk ass did the buck booty ass naked mistake .

















Tan will never be the same PO BABY!!!

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO CORTNEY GEE
MJ REVISITED


The Smooth Criminal is back in the news . This time it's because he is getting help with his debt. Damn what is the world coming to when MJ has to pawn shit to keep from having creditors from blowing up his phone. I can't say I know what MJ is going through ... I actually hate it when people say stuff like that. " I know exactly what you are going through and they aint never walked in yur shoes let alone moonwalked in your loafers you know .
But I do have a few creditors that I have become more than overzealous in their pursuit of getting paid. I had own that called me like we was partners . Chatting with me thyen asking me when I was going to pay for a Balley's debt. I was like first of all you dont work for Balley's and secondly when I signed my name to that contract I intended to work out . No I haven't been working out and even if I wanted to I would have to sign name on another contract just to do push ups in the damn place .
Balley's is the DEVIL!!!

I'm a Michael Jackson Fan from back in the day . Can't believe how far he has fallen from the King Of Pop status he achieved . Alot of it is his own doing. You just can't be befriending chimops and having sleep overs with 12 year olds and nobody not questions just what the fuck is wrong with you. But all the blame aint MJ's some of it has to fall on the parents that pimp their cancer stricken kids.I mean it wasnt like MJ didn't leave clues about what he was about
PYT , I'm Bad Smooth Criminal. Before this last fiasco he had already paid one kid 40 million dollars that may or may not have seen his supposed tri colored wee wee.It had gotten so bad MJ made his own kids he could play with ( and hang out of windows ) so people would leave him the hell alone.
Don't think I'm excusing MJ of wrong doing I'm not , if he is drugging lil boy's and blowing them there is a special place in hell for him and may he go there wearing gasoline fruit of the looms .
But why not start putting accusing parents on trial .. ask them " Just what the hell did you think might happen when your 9 year old slept in same bed with a damn there 50 year old ?
I mean I have 50 family members I wouldnt trust my dogs to spend the night with let alone my treasured children and MJ had already been accused of some freaky stuff already.
Maybe my thoughts come from my common sense, but my mom always told me the biggest myth is that sense is common.

And to think once upon a time Prince was the nasty one between the two. MJ was normal Prince was a unadulterated perv.










MJ has officially had too much plastic surgery,
been accused not once but twice of pedophilia, the where is Bubbles Mystery has yet to be solved and he has been putting out bunk cd's o0ut for damn there a decade. Prince on the other hand though he obviously isn't a interior decorator ( ask Carlos Boozer about that shit !!!) putting out jams like he used to and is now a Jehovah's Witness and more likely to knock on your door before the crack of dawn spreading THE WORD.
MJ shouldnt be in debt or jail if they let R.Kelly roam free.
I saw that tape and I'm telling you that was R.Kelly or Aaron Hall , one of them pee'd on that lil girl. R.Kelly must have a damn good lawyer with all that evidence against him.MJ didnt have nothing that incriminating against him and the state of California had him doing the court room shuffle. Have to give MJ props though how he came to court late in some pajamas and house shoes .. that shit was classic.
I need R Kelly's lawyer on retainer .
Just for the record , I didnt buy the R Kelly video I borrowed it .That's how I get all my porn. Ain't no man going to sweat you over non returned pornography .If he let you borrow it he had already had his fill of viewing the dvd.That's right ladies even with our fantasy women we get tired of looking at their ass as well. I have to admit though there is this one female on Latina Booty 67 that I just can't get outta my head , INS couldn't deport this woman from my memory.

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO CORTNEY GEE
LeBron James Worthy Of MVP


When it comes to basketball here in Cleveland. It's all about LeBron.


No doubt about it the young brother has put the Cavs on his wide shoulders and carried them to a place they ahvent been in quite sometime" Da Playoffs" . Many experts ahve been saying Chauncey Billups should get the award ... I dont ever agree with the experts seeing most experts have never played a lick of basketball on a high level. Some of them dont even play basketball well on the playground or over 30 circuit. So how can they determine who is more worthy of being dubbed the best?
Now Im no expert on the subject but I did play a little ball back in my day

(stop laughing at the Isiah Thomas nut hugging shorts) and I tell you what I would have rather faced Chauncey Billups any day before having to try to check Mr. James. The Pistons without Chauncey still are a great team and could easily get to the finals . The Cavs on the other hand playing without LeBron would be lucky to win in the CYO league here in town.
So I say give the award to the most deserving and stop hating on the player whom has meant more for his team than any other player this year .

Oh yeah Elton Brand and the Clippers deserve some kind of special award just for brushing their shoulders off and going from laughing stock to seeing their collective stock rise in the league. KUDOS!!!