THE WORLD ACCORDING TO CORTNEY GEE
TOO MANY DOUBLE JACKS... The World According To Cortney Gee ( last year's tour )


Greetings to all it's your boy Cortney Gizzle hollerin at ya . Yeah Im in Kosovo performing for the troops , its definitely colder than cat coochie here and I've tried my best to stay inside and bundled up but I figured if I did that there wouldn't be anything to tell you ... So I braved the frozen tundra and made my way to the neighborhood watering hole . I couple of my buddies whom shall remain nameless took me off base (which was in major violation of some peace treaty or something let them tell it ) to a club called Friday's . Which was funny cause it was Friday that we went there, it was supposedly their best night and they played Friday part one thru three on a projector screen.I couldn't help but think what the fuck they must do on Saturday ... probably sit around talking about the next Friday night coming up.
Me and my nameless cohorts sat at a table and ordered a round of double jacks lit up some Cubans I picked up in Vienna and watched the Slavic girls dance to Tupac blaring over the speakers. Once again my comedic mind went to work I was like damn Tupac is alive and well even in Kosovo . Cause these women didn't speak English good enough to holla at but they knew all the words to Hail Mary . I'm not a killer but don't push me !!!

We sat there and drank and chatted it up for what seemed to be hours and then of my partners in crime said lets go to the massage parlor. Now I'm one to tell you I don't frequent whorehouses.Its not that look down on the oldest profession, nor do I feel that the women there are any nastier thanof most the women I could meet in a club .. I just have a hard time exchanging money for sex especially since I find it easier to get a woman to sleep with me than I do to get one to cook or clean ... smile . But we were drinking Jack Dizzle Double Jack Dizzle at that and though my conscious mind was like hell nah we aint going to no brothel Jack Double Dizzle was like fuck it lets go and hang and see what happens . We get to the spot and its filled with lil itty bitty sexy Thai women.








My boy knows the mamason who is a attractive lady who's seen her better years long ago but she had style . Brought us out more of the syrup we had been sippin. She ask us which lady we would like to have perform our massage ... I pick one that has curves that were very much sista like Tan . We go to the room ad she tells me to get comfortable .. now my drunk ass thought she meant get butt booty as naked , come to find out we were in a REAL massage parlor and I done got me and my boys thrown out cause they didn't tell me what was really up. So Im swearing off double jacks for a while needless to say. That's makes two beverages I have sworn off Gin the sin tonic is the other .. that's a long story and maybe when Im not to embarrassed to disclose and or the statutes of limitation are up I'll share... smile .

Just thought I would keep all of you on deck about the travels . Oh yeah and I did a good job one my first performance ... Not that I was surprised seeing the troops are a captive audience .Really its like doing a prison show , at the base I was at last night Camp Montieth they don't have females and they love any kinda entertainment you bring them especially if you do blue humor like I do. The show had one oddity though .. I'm on same bill with a christrian hip hop band Set Free and Mr MJ. Now you talking about some funny shit . I can only imagine what they are thinking after hearing my crude comedy.Im wondering how my agent ever figured that this would work out , my heathen ass and this group are definitely an odd coupling . But hey it's a job and to be honest I don't think the soldiers were hearing the holy rhymes they are hooked on the dancers that they rappers brought with them. Well Im about to go to the mess hall and dine on food that can be best described as something to fill your belly until your next bowel movement which wont be long after ingesting it. They can take ex lax out of business and that's on the real. Keep in touch write a brother back give me something to do other than make a fool out o myself at REAL MASSAGE PARLORS ... I still cant believe that my drunk ass did the buck booty ass naked mistake .

















Tan will never be the same PO BABY!!!