THE WORLD ACCORDING TO CORTNEY GEE
This is one of my old journal entries thought you might enjoy reading ... from a middle East Tour about 6 years ago.

I've just recently returned from a very interesting trip ( Eastern Mediterranean ) . I saw many things that tripped me out , while growing up in Cleveland I would have never imagined seeing anything like The Holy land, land of the Pyramids etc. It all started in Sept. 14th at LAX .... I think that LA 's airport is the strangest place in the world I remember when I first landed here and saw women in underwear and high heels , Nuns begging , HiraKrishners harrassing people like Jehovah Witnesses and Movie stars trying to act like a pair of sunglasses was a perfect disguise that I had landed in either Sodom or Gormorah ( take your pick ... New York will be the other city you can't turn and look back on. I'm actually thinking about getting a house in the desert .. seeing that when GOD decides the city of Lost Angeles needs to be underwater ... I'll have beachfront property.) I do love the workers at LAX , they see enough TV personalities not to be impressed at all. As I was checking in my bags one of the porters was doing his security drag asking me those dumb ass questions that no real terrorist in his right mind would ever answer incorrectly. No it's the smart ass comedians that want to poke fun and play word games . Like when he asked me has anyone had the possession of your bag without your knowledge and I asked him if it was without my knowledge how would I know ( he didn't like that !) Or has anyone body strange asked you to transport something for them? I told them that my strange 5 year old son asked me to take a clay model of a dog he made that looks more like a Hippo to me ... but he says it's a dog then it's a dog. He frowned and told me that I was not funny , not even on Comicview . I wasn't pressed about what he thought of my talent and his opinion didn't jeopardize his tip from me... seeing I was giving his disgruntle bad career for his happiness choosing ass a tip anyway . I took OJ Simpson flight though the airport cause he held me up , and when I got to my gate I had some extra time on my hand so I decided to have a Martini... I know it was before 12 noon and I hadn't had breakfast hey I was listening to Frank Sinatra 's Duets it was like paying homage to a true playa plus a martini does have some nutritional value OLIVE is a vegetable.
TWA FLIGHT to Tel Aviv
I'm on a TWA flight bound for Tel Aviv as I write this letter to all of you.
I'm normally not comfortable on a TWA flight seeing that they have had trouble of late keeping their aircraft above the ground in one piece,but their are so many holy men and women (JEWISH) flying with me ... I've found peace. Even if they don't believe that Jesus is the savior it's all good hhehehehee. From my understanding Yahweh and GOD are the same person ( being )....... I figure GOD must be with these people they have survived Pharoah, Hitler and they make good movies too ( SPEILBERGH is the bomb .... thought I would drop that in there just in case someone decided to playa hate and give him this hahahahahaha)

I'm glad to be going back to Europe especially Italy ( I'm touring Isreal,Turkey, Jordan, Syria, and Italy), I love Italy cause that's the only place besides the projects in Cleveland kids sit at dinner table and toss back glasses of wine.When I was last in Rome I was put under the table trying to hang with a 3 year old . I had 5 glasses of Merlot , he put a nipple on a bottle and went to work....
I like the shoes there so I plan on getting a few pair ..for myself PLEASE no request ..this ain't XMAS and your birthday is only important to you and your insurance company =)

What I'll do is try to keep a journal of this trip I'm sure something xciting is bound to happen... especially with all the playa hating going on in DC.The senate is going to mess around and press Bill into starting a war just so his tenure ends with a bang instead of banging an intern.
I'm sitting in my hotel room ( AMMAN, JORDAN )
thinking about my travels and I thought to share my thoughts with all of you. Today began as any I rose I washed my ass and I shaved, unfortunately I picked up some razors at the 99cent store( guess how much they cost?) which nicked the shit out the back of my head. So here I am having to go to breakfast in a four star hotel with a band aid on ala Marcellus ( PULP FICTION). The other comedians and I decided since today was our day off we would do some site seeing and shopping ( hell nah I didn't get you nothing !!!!!) First stop the Jordan Museum which is a medium sized building full of OLD shit. There we saw the RUINS of one of the oldest churches known to man .Oh let me tell you what I found out RUINS mean ... NO AIR CONDITIONER and MANY FLIES. I 'm telling you it' s hot as fish grease in Jordan and if the heat don't beat you the pesky ass flies will. The flies ain't your everyday kinda fly these are ones with attitude I mean you can blow at them and they just keep laying on you ... you can run away from the area in which you first encountered it and that fly will follow you. These are the CARE commercial kinda flies , if one lands on your watermelon he might ask you to put some salt on it.
Next stop was the TEMPLE OF MOSES... this is where MOSES looked from and saw the PROMISED LAND ( did you know he never got there? He died right where I was cause he doubted GOD.) There is a beautiful church there oh yeah one thing though it's a RUIN so there wasn't no A/C up in that camp so I couldn't stay through the whole sermon.
Next stop was the DEAD SEA. We all decided that we would take a swim in the natural healing waters of the famous sea.What we didn' t realize was that you can't swim in the DEAD SEA ... the water is so full of salt that it can make a whale float, I know this to be true for I was floating like I was in a easy chair without trying to. =) What I also failed to realize was that my nicked bald head would be set a fire... oh my goodness I was in a kinda pain that was worst than I can't say I've ever felt , oh that was until I mistakingly got some of that shit in my eyes yo I was blinder than Stevie Wonder. Well needless to say after that HEALING EXPERIENCE I had been touristed the fuck out so I took my battered and bruised ass back to my hotel room .
Oh if you ladies are wondering what the fashion is like here let me tell you , mostly the ladies have on the three layers of dresses and head wraps and they doing this in 98 degree weather , sometimes in RUINS. So if you ever thought that you might wanna marry one of those wealthy arabs you better be leary cause Versace will not be your everyday wear as a matter of fact Versace won't be your anyday wear. The women's right thing hasn't hit the Middle East either so if you are the kinda lady that's aggresive and willing to challenge your man ... do yourself a favor , don't come here.* One more lil note for you ladies if you are a playa hater don't aspire to be a queen here... Men are allowed 4 wives .
( ON STRIKE IN TURKEY)

Hello friends believe it or not I'm sitting here in Turkey between a picket line. Yep the Turkish Workers Union and the US Government are having a big thing to do. It's so much of a thing that this portion of my tour has all but been cancelled due to lack of accomodations and transportation while in Turkey , oh but in true AMERICAN SPIRIT they forgot to inform Washington of the cancellation of my performance. I arrived into Izsmir from Jordan ( land of RUINS) on Monday morning 1 am , I waited for our ride to come pick our group up and I waited and I waited and we all continued to wait until MY CLEVELAND INTUITION kicks in and I said hey maybe , just maybe they aren't coming how about instead of waiting outside ( where it was approoaching 40 degrees) maybe we should get a hotel and get with our host in the Morning . So I called a 4 star hotel seeing that it was going to be on the US Government ( and plus the fact the FASCIST IRS took my 4000.00 tax return and gave it to the Student Loan Communist Party) and booked us some rooms . Much to my surprise the kind attendant told me that a nights stay would only be 19 dollars , damn only 19 bucks for a 4 star hotel ( I thought hey maybe here in Izsmir Motel 6 is the shit! I informed my party of the low rate and they pronounced me a genius ( and you wonder why Iike working with these people ... they recognize true intellect ...hehehehehe) , and we hired a cab to take us to a hotel that was close to the base that we were supposed to be performing at. The USO also had a band of young Mariachi's playing the bases so it took 3 cabs to accomodate all of us and our belongings at 20 dollar apiece. Now that was the best 20 dollars spent in this country, cause the taxi drivers over here have no rules, no fear and no speed limit. Man that 20 was like our admission to Magic Mountain. Our drivers decided to race ... and I had the Racer X for my cabby. We were ahead of the pack for most of the way until one of the turkish grand prix drivers I mean cabbies cut us off ... that bastard ! So my driver Elman took an aggressive stance and rubbed him almost off the road, big points for Elman earned himself a five dollar tip ... I hate losing ! The third driver didn't even figure into the race seeing that he had hit a dog , not that he slowed down to see if the pup was ok .. the bump just put him in dead last no pun intended . Upon arriving at the hotel the kind attendant had our party sign in and asked for our money to stay ... I pulled out a 20 and told him that he could keep the change you laugh but an american dollar can stretch a long way in this almost third world nation. Serge ( my lil nickname for Concierges around the world) looked at me like I had slapped his momma and said 19 .... I was like I know her is 20 stop tripping you can keep the change ... then he wrote down 90 and said 19...so as I pulled out the remaining amount I looked into the faces of my fellow travelers and noticed how my genuis had faded from their thoughts.... hey but we did have fun in that cab .

I'm on my way to Vincenza, Italy . First thing I have to do is get some shoes ( brown ) that match these two suits I had made for me while in Turkey. Burt the tailor to all " Da Brothers" at least that's what he told me over and over and over again, hooked me up with a few 5 button shots.... very impressive work seeing that he did all this work overnight from a drawing that I sketched. I'm also looking forward to the rich taste of expresso. There is no feeling in the world like smoking a Cuban and sipping a hot shot of that caffiene concoction. Seeing that I'm on this diet and not eating breads, rice and pasta I'm going to miss out on the rich tasting foods but it's not like my greedy ass didn't eat enough of that shit the last time I was here.
Well I wish all of you well .... take care ah pu tarde ( see you later)

So now I'm back and I hope that you all have enjoyed my crazy travels.... I'm going to Japan soon wait till you hear those tales